Language Lesson: Whistle while you talk

July 11: Beijing

So, I gotta say... it ain't easy to get around here. Unless you happen to speak Mandarin, that is.

Taxi drivers do not speak any English, and neither do most of the hotel & subway workers that I have met so far. Of course, why should they? This is CHINA, after all. Time to speak Chinese! The problem is, my mouth simply cannot make the sounds that seem to comprise the language - I just don't know how! It seems that it is not WHAT you say, as much as HOW you say it. From what I can tell, the secret to proper pronunciation is to shape your lips as if you are going to whistle - and then shout - all the while speaking backwards!

Example: I tried to buy a subway ticket to Qianmen station. Easy enough, right? Well, it took two people to translate that to the ticket person, who then started loudly CUSSING at me! It seemed she was VERY ANGRY with me. However, I was told that she only wanted to know how many tickets? Well, it sure seemed like she was cussing at me!

YOU STINK!
While I was on the subway yesterday, I smelled something rather foul. I looked at the woman next to me, and thought to myself why she had such poor hygiene. Poor and can't afford a shower? I thought. She looked at me and gave me a bit of a look, as well. After she left, I smelled the odor again. Then it dawned on me. It wasn't the woman who smelled bad - it was ME! Actually, it was my sandals. They literally REEKED of sweat from the jungles of Thailand, etc. Dear god that was embarrassing! (And a great lesson on jumping to conclusions.)

Really sick!
Okay, this is gross.... but on my next subway trip, the guy next to me started vomiting. I am not wearing my sandals today, so it wasn't my fault - really! Now I am sure that this was very unusual, but it is certainly a unique memory of the Beijing subway.

PS: I don't make this stuff up. It really happened.